Those Famous High School Reunions….

I have been on “the high school reunion committee” for the past (#*%) years.  I love the planning; the picking; the choosing; the details in planning the reunions.  I have catered parties, weddings, banquets, & functions as such for 28 years and it has never lost it’s thrill.  This year was our 50th…..a very big milestone and we would try to include everyone at one or both events.  However, (my husband) Irwin and I have the love-assignment of taking care of our youngest daughter’s three-year-old son, Clark.  During the planning meeting, Clark shared his flu-slobber kisses with me…and just a few little baby flu-germs.  Then, both of us were running 102-degree temperature.  Needless to say, I did not meet with the group.

The committee decided that we would have a casual gathering on Friday at a local country club and the big social event on Saturday evening on the 28th  floor at the Petroleum Club.  Regrets…Irwin and I had another engagement for Saturday evening.  But most all the class was planning to attend both and I was excited.  Our daughter, Carrie, came to our house and gave me a pamper day…massaged my very tense feet, painted my nails, worked on my hair, gave me a pep-talk and a kiss and left for a meeting for her job.

The usual pattern for this country bumpkin has been this on-going sequence of events leading up to this special 50th reunion day……
About a year or so ago, while changing a soiled diaper on our precious grandson, Clark, his leg slipped from my hand and his white high-top shoe caught me right in the mouth…actually squarely in the front tooth (later to find out that it was cracked…the tooth,, not the shoe!)  Sever months later, half of this tooth dropped out of my mouth while I was eating lunch.  My dentist, and very good friend, deduced that due to lots of circumstances beyond our control, the tooth was not salvageable and we agreed that he should pull it.  In our post-extraction conference he packed my mouth full of gauze, asked me to bite down, and then he explained that we would have to allow the gum to heal and the swelling to recede before fitting me with a partial.  He said that I should return about the middle of October to begin the next procedure.  I excitedly sat straight up in the dentist chair and began yelling right at his face, “Huh, huh, hah, hah, hah, huh, hah, huh, huh, hah!!!” ….which translated, “I can’t wait till October to get this tooth replaced …I have a class reunion to go to!

 My good friend and dentist, gently pressed me back into a reclining position and tenderly explained,  “It’s okay, we can take care of whatever your fears are.”

“Huh, huh, hah, hah, hah, huh, huh, hah, hah, hah, huh!!!” I came back in a much more excitement and animated gestures, ….(I’m NOT afraid or worried about hurting, I’ve got to go to our 50th high school reunion!!)

“It’s okay, I can give you pain pills to make you rest!” he explained, again as he pressed my shoulders back into the chair.

I sat up right into his face, pulled the gauze from between my gums and cried,  “I’ve got my 50th high school reunion in the FIRST week of October and I have got to have ALL my teeth!!!”

Well…during the next few weeks, I did learn to talk and smile without showing the huge gap!
I even practiced tilting and turning my head away from the camera.  However, it really didn’t matter because now, no one was even going to look at my toothless grin.  My medical doctor changed my dosage on my medication about 6 weeks back and I became ravenous for the whole month of September.  I put back on the 26 pounds I had lost for the reunion, plus 12 more.  Then, my precious daughters talked me into getting a perm for the reunion.  I had not had a perm in over 6 years and didn’t know how my hair would react now that I’m completely gray…but I have to agree with my daughters that my gray hair was uncontrollably wiry and surely nothing could look worse…except… after we finished giving the perm, I remembered that you should give a special, more gentle perm for gray hair.  Six days before my reunion, I looked like a cross  between a very old Shirley Temple and Harpo Marx!

Oh, but that still wasn’t the worst…there was the big red sore (caused by the perm lotion) that came up, yesterday, on my eyelid that wouldn’t let me open my eye all the way, …but, I know that most people are not going to be starring at the toothless grin when the one-eyed, overweight boob in a Halloween fright wig walks in following a huge wart that came up on the end of my nose because of the “tomato-salsa diet” I was eating to keep from gaining so much weight.   But that still wasn’t the worst thing….
      Another large sore came up behind my ear, not letting me hook my glasses all the way down behind my ear giving the appearance of a head-on collision.  The fact that I couldn’t straighten my tri-focal glasses was the reason that I couldn’t see to…
(1)  …pluck my uni-brow (you ladies know what that is and mine needs servicing every week or so.).  Anyway...when I had finished it was plucked too much in a couple of spots causing my forehead to say something in Morris code! (Dot-dash-dot-dot-dot-dash-dot!)
(2)..nor could I see the tiny hole to put on my pierced earrings and I ended up puncturing a new piercing in my ear-lobe that immediately began to swell and turn beet-red with little trail of blood streaming down the front of my neck.

Now, I ask you, “Who’s going to notice my toothless grin?”